discussion · Love Your Self

What the hell

Guys, school and myself.

I hope it is not only me that has always a bad period, one full of so many things to learn and  then once you start to get into the rhythm everything changes. Well that is my life, and this is how my 2017 started, with a difficult-learning period.

Difficult-learing period, is nothing that bad, I am actually glad I have the opportunity to learn new things and grow up, I feel lucky to fail sometimes, so I can learn things better, I can find another way, and actually I like to experiment things.

This week in particular has been really really stressful and full of things.

I want to start off with the school that will take less time, I just feel a little bit disappointed about how it has gone, but this year I am not going to care too much about it ( I mean I am one of those people who care a way too much about it), I just think that with work, relax and intelligence I can make it .. so lets see how it goes.

TALKING ABOUT GUYS … WHAT THE HELL ahahahah I am really going crazy for them, in the good and in the bad way.

The first guy that I have on my mind, is a person that recently has been really important to me, someone who is literally always there, and someone who listens to my super long monologues at the phone, even if they don’t have a conclusion. I don’t want to jump into those kind of friendships, I don’t want to think if it will last forever, (forever is a word I want to leave away for a little bit), but that NOW is here. I am really happy and grateful that W. now has a lil part in my life. So if you’re reading this.. thank you ❤

But as you probably thought I was thinking about boys in another way. I am one of those people who needs someone next to them, for a cuddle, for physical feelings and those kind of things, someone that is physically there. My friend upstairs (W.) lives far away from me and this is kind of lucky because I think I would have fallen in love with him if he was also physically here. As you probably don’t know I don’t have any kind of physical contact with my parents, and due to that I am kind of shy to have physical contact with other people, I mean a hug, a cuddle, a cheek kiss. This is mostly the reason why, I think, I really really love hugs and cuddles, and I would literally spend hours cuddling.

I met a few new guys recently, that showed interest on me, but there’s not a lot of physical contact for now and I don’t really feel like they’re picking me up, I mean I am fine now without a serious relationship, but I wouldn’t mind something similar, not for forever just for the present FOR NOW, and I think everyone needs that, but doesn’t say it.

So I decided to try to go to the only boy on the planet earth I shouldn’t have gone to,( I am not going to give too many details as imagine if he was reading this ahaha It would be over even before it begins) but that’s the truth, I just wanted to try and see, I would really like to see him again, to see how he grew up (if he did) and to see if maybe who knows.. and so far I think he wants the same things which sounds good, I just hope it won’t take ages hahaah (but this is only my film, that I created yesterday, is like super fantasy )

So isn’t it a big struggle ? I am like LOOKING FOR CUDDLING BOYFRIEND but the truth is that I am not the kind of girl who goes with everyone, I just like cuddles but only a Prince can cuddle me, so he has to be someone really special to me.

Last  topic is myself, I can’t really decide wether I want to fight or to leave, sometimes I get too anxious or I have panic attacks and I can’t control them and I feel week, but then I mask everything pretending to be strong and to look strong, but I still take care of myself and go on with my dreams, life and aspirations.

That’s the reason why I am heating this period, even though I am loving it, I am learning a lot, but sometimes I just need a prize that is more than the lesson that I have learned.

Fede xx



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